Judas Asparagus

Not sure who wrote this email but a great story to read - EXCELLENT

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This was amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that childrenunderstand
what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He was a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,
but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been
invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad
apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because I don't beleive they had cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long
as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died
off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,
but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a
large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked
some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his
birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt
and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on
Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice,
bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day
with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:
Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first
Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and
the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a
giant with a slingshot He had a son named Solomon who had
about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise,
but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then
barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league
prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the
star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.
( I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying
to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would
be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.' )
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and leotards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before
Pontiac the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the
Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Time and Space - Creation

Last night at a church group I watched a dvd that 2 people were discussing time and comparing the "big bang" theory to what is stated in the Bible regarding creation over 6 days.

We all know the Bible tells us that God created everything in 6 days and we also know people who say it is impossible "the earth and heavens are billions of years old" - Now I am no scientist so I going to give an overview of what they explained based on scientific evidence together with the theory of relativity (which science experts understand and which I am no way going to try and discuss).

It is apparently a fact that a clock actually ticks faster the further away it gets from the ground and the gravitational pull.

So basically in plain english and without going into scientific detail we can refer to a clock on earth that we all know and use as our "EST - EARTH STANDARD TIME" - the same clock if placed out in deep space could record a billion years OVER THE EXACT SAME TIME PERIOD for a clock that ticks and registers 24 hours on earth - so basically this actually shows us how a billion years could possibly equate to 1 normal day as we know it on earth  - so YES God did create everything in 6 days (earth standard time) but deep space it would have registered as billions of years.

INTERESTING ? 

Fear God

 

Never Easy - by Michael Somerville

I lost my job recently and this is a letter i received via email from my brother which i found to be awesome which brought tears to my eyes - thanks mike for this - God will see us all through these difficult times

Here follows the message Michael wrote:

When I was driving to work this morning thinking of my own circumstances I felt God say it’s not always about me and my thoughts drifted to you.
The strange thing is I have been reading a book called finishing strong and the chapter I am in the moment tells about the life story of Moses. In his first third of his life he had everything from wealth to states position etc but then when he gets to his 40’s all of a sudden he finds himself losing everything he had. You got to believe that he was a broken man at that point and most likely did not quite understand what Gods plan was. The next part of his life he experiences loneliness and hardship but God uses this as a time for character building and I suppose you can look at it as going to school. God shapes and develops Moses for the things to come and we all know what happened after that.(this is not a biblical quote but rather my interpretation)
Anyway the fact of the matter is God works things for his purpose not ours and trust me he has a plan. This doesn’t always fit into our schedule but as I said it’s not about us. I believe that through these tough times we must see it as schooling for greater things to come. When we look back ask this what have I learnt so far?, what has God taught me? We don’t always understand why at the time but guaranteed once you get to the next part of your life it will all be revealed.
I can relate to this, even though my situation is not quite the same I am facing hardship of my own, and it is not easy. Sometimes we want to give up and it just seems the end of all the problems seem to be so far away.
That is the time we need to draw even closer to God and yes I need to practice what I preach. In the end he is the only one that will see us through these times and we must have the faith that it is all for the well being spiritually for us, we have to believe that.
Maybe what I am saying here you already know and if so great, or maybe it will just serve as a reminder of how great God is and give you the courage to push though these tough times. Maybe it was for me to reflect on my personal circumstances but whatever the purpose I believe God wanted me to share this.
All the best.
Michael Somerville

Free T-SHIRT

It amazes me to see how many hits a person can generate when  something is for free - I have titled this as a free T-shirt to see how the hits increase just out of curiosity and the BEST FREE stuff  is carried in the message of this picture of a T-shirt  - plain and simple - JESUS is there for you at all times and guess what ?  GOD OFFERS ADVICE FOR FREE - so when you need to hit the panic button Jesus will be there for you.

Just ask,seek and you will find Him.

Keep My Commands - PROVERBS 3:1-6

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Choices

I was on my way home last night and in my car started to wonder about the topic "choices" and have realised that in all aspects of our lives we come across "choices" frequently and often we wonder to ourselves what is the right "choice" to make ?

I think when we faced with a choice we must make the choice that brings life ?

now life in a sense could be the choice where we find and get the most joy and I believe that we can only obtain that by referring to Gods words in making our choice.

God is your life so when you need to make a choice make the one he directs you too and if at all in doubt - refer to the Bible for an answer before making the choice. Gods word always has the correct answer for the choice you want to make.

Often when faced with a choice many people around you would provide some form of guidance therefore take other peoples opinion into account - some might be for your decision you thinking and some might be against it  but generally there will be a pattern - BUT IF GODS WORD AGREES then that is the right choice to make in the end. The choice you make if it is against what God says it will always end up being the wrong choice.

Let your faith in God guide you as its a recipe to ensure a correct choice is made and very often it is always the right one.

Psalm 73:24 - You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

To all who read this I pray that if you are faced with making a choice then refer to your bible and pray that God shows you which one is correct and there are bibles available in topics format which provide easy reference.  Your choices will be easy to make only if God is part of it.

Cleaning house for 2009

This is from an email i received:

Last Week I threw out worrying, it was getting old and in the way.

It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things God's way.

I threw out a book on MY PAST
(Didn't have time to read it anyway).

Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.

I threw out hate and bad memories,
(Remember how I treasured them so)?

Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.

Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.

Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
WOW, you should've seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND, I hadn't talked to in a while.

His name is JESUS, and I really like His style.

He helped me to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.

Like PRAYER, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE,
Yes... I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.

I FOUND IT- its called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice.

Looks good around the place.

For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.

It's good to do a little house cleaning, Get rid of the things on the shelf.

It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF. BE BLESSED AND BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!!

May You Accept Jesus

As Luke 11:10 says on this picture - "for who asks receives;he who seeks finds,and to him who knocks,the door will be opened."

I pray for everyone that this new year may be a year filled with a renewed strength to seek and find Jesus for your life so that this year may be filled with all your prayers answered and that you may know that God needs to be served at all times - good and bad.

With this new year we do not know what lies ahead but we do know how to ensure that whatever happens we always have an awesome God who will be there no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in this year.

I personally want to renew and find new strength to serve God in all ways that i possibly can and to ensure that He is part of everything i do and every decision i make. I hope you all can make God part of your daily routine and to involve Him in all that you do this year.

Once God is in control you will see that every aspect of life is so much easier - it does not mean we wont have problems or difficult situations to deal with, it just means we have someone who we can trust at all times and who i know will assist us in everything. It also gives us hope, faith, love and the Holy spirit will guide you always in everything that you do.

May you all seek and knock on His door and find Jesus and let Him be your guide this year and be prepared for when that door opens.

God bless everyone for 2009